The sun is out, the weather is finally heating up, and we all know what that means… yes, it’s time for STORE 2015!
That’s right! Canada’s biggest retail conference put on by the Retail Council of Canada (the RCC). This year STORE is focused around the theme of Harnessing Disruption, and will be running from Tuesday June 2 until Wednesday June 3 at the Toronto Congress Centre in Toronto, ON. Check out STORE 2015’s website for more info!
With STORE just around the corner, there are plenty of posts and articles that list all the awesome reasons to attend: networking with the biggest names in retail and industry experts, checking out the latest retail innovations, peeking at the best new products, great sessions, and plenty more. But I’m not sold, even though VL is going to be at STORE 2015 in booth 534. I’m already locked in to being there – but you can still save yourself!
So without further adieu, here’s my top 10 list for why you should skip STORE 2015 this year, and just stay home instead.
Yup, we’ll be there. It’s too late for us, but save yourself while you still can!
This year will mark the first time VL will be gracing STORE with our awesomeness in booth 534, and we’re already predicting that our time at STORE will be awesome. But that doesn’t mean you should be there. Ok – maybe we’ll forgive you for coming, but only if you’re as awesome as VL and our swanky new booth setup.
DX3 2015. It was also awesome.
Just a teaser to get you into the mood (or not) for STORE.
And if you’re super awesome, we’ll even help you achieve levels of awesome never before seen by human eyes by giving you a free VL T-shirt and some other awesome swag.
I have these shirts. When I put them on, I’m blindingly awesome. Wearers: use caution.
So booth 534 will be full of lots of awesome. You could be there – but you won’t be.
Why? Because you’re going to read my top 10 reasons to not go to STORE 2015:
Reason #1: Retail has always been the same, and will always be the same
Internet, schminternet. All these buzzwords like “big data”, “m-commerce”, and “omni-channel” are just passing fads. So what if the traditional retail market in both Canada and the U.S. is undergoing some major paradigm shifts while overall retail sales are declining? So what if major Canadian retail chains like Jacob, Bikini Village, and more are going under? Is Target failing in Canada supposed to mean something to you?
You know why only 13% of Canadian businesses are selling online? They know the internet is just a fad.
So why change? Sure, business might be tough and customers might be few and far and between, but if you’re patient enough to wait this internet thing out, you’ll be golden. … Maybe.
Reason #2: Industry Experts (A.K.A. Know-It-Alls)
STORE is going to be full of them! I mean, just look at the speakers list alone: Jordan Banks of Facebook, Ian Black of Uber, Steve Buors of Reshift Media, and so many more big names from big companies. I bet their heads are all full of big ideas. Revolutionary ones too. Ones they’ll probably share in their speaking sessions.
No thank you! You and I, we already know all there is to know. Why throw a wrench in how we’ve always done things and understood the retail world by listening to world-renowned industry experts? You might get ideas, and everyone knows ideas are dangerous.
So why upset the status quo? Even if you avoid these temptingly intruiging speaking sessions, STORE is known for attracting the best-of-the-best world wide – and these people will be walking the floor right next to you! You can even check these people out on the STORE 2015 App. You’re bound to overhear something amazing that’ll shatter your understanding of the retail world. And then what? You’ll have to rethink a whole bunch of things. Nope, no thank you indeed.
Reason #3: The Sessions
Don’t even look at the STORE 2015 Agenda. You won’t be able to stop yourself from attending if you do.
From the Keynote, to the Future of Retail, To Competing with the Elite: How to Survive in a World Disrupted by Amazon & Other Global Innovators, it’s just one tempting title after another.
But again, you already know everything and even though your business might be hurting a little bit now, you know things will go back to the “normal” of pre-2008. You just need to bide your time and wait, and keep dangerous ideas about where retail could be going in the coming years away from you. Far away.
Reason #4: The ReBoot Challenge
God, this one means you have to do stuff. So much for easy street.
Four top Canadian Start-Ups, each offering exciting, excruciatingly well thought-out solutions for retail. I think I’ve seen this movie. And then they tell us about their business for five minutes? Think of what you could have done with those 5 minutes.
And it gets worse: then you have to vote for a winner. They’ll probably be all happy and stuff. Bo-ring.
Reason #5: Awards
The RCC Canada Grand Prix New Product Awards, the 2015 Excellence in Retailing Awards, Awards of Distinction, Independent Retailer of the Year… Snore. Why take note of the achievements of others if you’re not up there with them? Because the RCC likely frowns on gate-crashing these awards a-la Kanye West at the VMA Awards, you should just skip this all together.
“I’m gonna let you finish, but Beyonce was the best independent retailer of 2015.”
Reason #6: Being on the Cutting Edge is Overrated
With all the great attendees, exhibitors, speakers, and more, STORE 2015 is sure to be all about how to get and stay on the cutting edge of all things retail. But being on the cutting edge means listening, learning, absorbing, and applying – who has time for all that? Don’t forget, the internet is just a fad. Like bell bottoms, one day we’ll all be looking back on 2015 grimacing at the fact that we were around and people thought that was fashionable.
You don’t want to learn about how to navigate the changing retail landscape, like what’s overviewed in this article. You don’t need to be concerned about the poor adoption rates of Canadian businesses when it comes to being online and selling online. Your business is great so customers will be falling over themselves to give you their money. You don’t need to learn about new technologies, practices, and developments that might make your business smarter, faster, and better. You’re perfect just the way you are.
Reason #7: You Already Know the Future
Who isn’t omniscient these days? You don’t need a bunch of industry experts to tell you what the retail landscape is likely going to look like in the months and years to come. And besides, everyone knows it will stay the exact same as it has always been, and therefore there is no need or reason to adapt to anything!
You already know the future of retail in Canada and beyond: it begins and ends with your business being awesomely static! Stuck in time is the new black.
Reason #8: Networking is for Suckers and People Looking for a Job
You already know everyone who has ever had a good idea: you! Why would you want to fill your head with industry experts and specialists’ ideas? What do they know anyways?
STORE 2015 is going to be inundated with experts. 450 companies attended STORE 2014, with 70% of attendees being President/C-Levels, Senior Executives, or Manager/Directors. This year there will be 70 exhibitors, and even more attendees. Sounds like a lot of experts being experts all in one place. Sounds like that might be contagious.
VL is going to be at STORE 2015 because we’re one of those industry experts and specialists when it comes to integration services. Definitely don’t come to our booth to learn how VL can help your business save time, money, and errors through data integration, we might give you ideas! And ideas are dangerous, people.
Oh hey, who’s that in booth 534?
Reason #9: Free Swag
Definitely don’t come to STORE 2015 if you don’t like free things. Who needs free things anyways?
Again, definitely don’t come by booth 534 to see VL and get your free t shirt. You probably don’t even want an awesome free shirt. You are a self-sufficient system that doesn’t need anything from anyone!
And even if you wanted swag, that means you have to wait and wait, and sometimes even elbow someone out of your way just to talk to the person holding the swag for ransom. Not like smarty pants VL has created a reservation system for their swag so that you can completely avoid this catastrophe in waiting, or anything.
Reason #10: Virtual Logistics Inc. Will Be There
Definitely don’t come to STORE 2015 if you don’t want to learn how VL’s integration services on premise and in the cloud can help your business. We’ll only try to help your business be smarter, more efficient, scalable, and much more – and that’s definitely not what you or your business wants. You want an empire, you want people pounding their keyboards.
You certainly don’t want to see our friendly faces in our still-has-the-new-car-smell booth with our free swag and free expertise. You don’t want to come get one of our new pamphlets to learn more about what we do, why we do it, and how we’ve helped businesses for over 20 years. You don’t want to come talk to us about case studies, success stories, and who and how we’ve helped. Nope, you don’t want any of that.
So, in conclusion, STORE 2015 is just not for you. Don’t even think about coming. Stay home, drink a beer, enjoy the weather. Hopefully it won’t rain.
And I guess we enjoy being terribly awesome and horribly excellent because we’re going back this year! You can find us convincingly hiding our pain of being awesome behind big, authentic smiles as we give away our free t-shirts (how awful) in booth 534 in our new horribly attractive booth setup.