It’s that time of the year again, DX3 time, the time of the year when the good people of DX3 try to pry us out of the warmth of our winter hibernations with the promise of “Canada’s largest conference and trade show dedicated to digital marketing, digital advertising and digital retail [bringing] agencies, brands, publishers and retailers together for two days of networking and education” on March 11 & 12 at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre (http://www.dx3canada.com/).
If you’re like me, I’d rather sit inside in the dark and watch my skin continue to pale until translucent light rather than learn about cutting edge solutions for Canadian ecommerce, be surrounded by the best of the best of Canadian digital specialists, and have the opportunity to both talk and listen with industry experts. Ick, human contact!
So I’ve put together the Top 10 Reasons Not To Go To DX3 2015. Don’t be taken in by all the other promotional blogs, materials, and campaigns out there trying to get you to DX3 in order to expand your knowledge base and better your business! Trust me, you definitely don’t want to go to DX3 2015.
Now, Virtual Logistics Inc. has been to DX3 before. You can read all about our truly terrible time being awesome at DX3 2014 here – and if you want even more evidence that DX3 is not the place for your snow-logged mind, our time at DX3 2013 was even more horribly excellent.
And I guess we enjoy being terribly awesome and horribly excellent, because we’re going back this year! You can find us convincingly hiding our pain of being awesome behind big, authentic smiles as we give away our free t shirts (how awful) in booth 506 in our new horribly attractive booth setup.
No one loves a free t-shirt.
So, without further to do, here are my top 10 reasons to stay inside and away from DX3 2015:
Reason #1: You’re Invincible
So what if the traditional retail market in both Canada and the U.S. is undergoing some major paradigm shifts while overall retail sales are declining? So what if major Canadian retail chains like Jacob, Bikini Village, and more are going under? Is Target going under in Canada supposed to mean something to you?
None of this matters to you because you’re invincible! What does the changing marketplace have anything to do with you? Your business doesn’t need to change, adapt, or be on the cutting edge, because it is perfect just the way it is!
Definitely don’t come to DX3 if your business is invincible. The seminars, sessions, speakers, and general plethora of thought leaders everywhere you turn will try to educate you on how to adapt in these ever-changing times so that your business can make advancements, find more customers, and make more money. Who needs money anyways?
Reason #2: Thought Leaders Everywhere
And on the subject of thought leaders – its like there’s an infestation of them at DX3! Industry specialists, experts in their fields, and more, all trying to share their knowledge and be helpful to you and the Canadian marketplace. Gross.
I say keep your expert knowledge to yourself! I much prefer to sequester my head in the sand with my fingers in my ears while humming let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. If you already know everything there is to know about everything, DX3 is not the place for you.
And even worse: last year DX3 saw 4,114 attendees – a 21% increase over 2013. 90% of these attendees have purchase influence at their companies, with more than 45% of attendees being directors or higher (http://www.dx3canada.com/Content/Exhibit-or-Sponsor-Dx3-2015). The last thing anyone wants to do is pick the brain of a C-Suite executive from a successful company like GM, Bell, TD, Visa, Google, Ikea, or Adidas. What do they know, anyways?
Reason #3: The Speakers
Nothing’s worse than being stuck in a captive audience listening to a captivating speaker with a wealth of knowledge behind them, amiright? I mean, just look at this list of speakers scheduled for DX3 this year! What could Alyson Gausby, Canadian Consumer Insights Lead at Microsoft, tell you that you don’t already know? Who does Brian Tod, Head Of Consumer Connections at Labatt Breweries of Canada, think he is trying to impart his vast experience and knowledge base upon you? What is Jessica Armstrong, Head of Digital Ecommerce at Unilever, thinking trying to make you learn anything new based on her company’s vast successes, anyways? What does Robin Smith, GM Sales & Marketing and Co-Founder of Virtual Logistics, know about “How Integration Matters in the Omni-Channel World” (March 12, 12:15-12:45 in The Now Theatre) that you don’t?
Really, you listen to your head and your gut and that’s all you need to keep your business successful during these uncertain and unstable times. Who needs successful industry experts in engaging speaking events when you have you?
Look at all these speakers – I bet they all want to teach you something new. Avoid!
Reason #4: So Many Sessions
DX3 is trying to hard to tempt you to into attending with these 5 session groups based around their “You Need To Know How, You Need To Know Now” Guiding Principle, focusing around marketers’ most common and urgent questions through the customer journey: targeting, advertising, engaging, buying and supporting (http://www.dx3canada.com/Content/2015-Sessions-1/3_51/).
Each of these ghastly sessions have the horrible potential of making you and your business smarter – stay away! With a total of 8 sessions for each session group, you’d be sure to learn something even just passing by one of these things. And with each session group being sponsored by a leading company – Microsoft, Oracle Marketing Cloud, Yahoo! Advertising, Retail Council of Canada, and comScore – you definitely would not be able to resist attending one of these sessions if you came within 100 feet of one. So take it from me, and just stay away from DX3 and their sessions.
Reason #5: What the Heck are ‘Features’, Anyways?
DX3 is trying to confuse you into coming with their Show Features – but don’t fall for it! Even though some of them sound really interesting, like tech guru Amber Mac’s Tech Spotlight, where she’ll be interviewing senior execs from Canada’s top digital businesses about the obstacles and opportunities that are shaping our industry, just stay away. It’s all just another clever ruse to get you in the DX3 doors and learning, ick.
Features – who needs ’em?
Reason #6: Being on the Cutting Edge is Overrated
With all the great attendees, exhibitors, speakers, and more, DX3 is sure to be all about how to get and stay on the cutting edge of all things digital. But being on the cutting edge means listening, learning, absorbing, and applying – who has time for all that? And your business has always been doing things the old way, and the old way is always the best way, duh.
You don’t want to learn about how to navigate the changing retail landscape, like what’s overviewed in this article. You don’t need it! Your business is great so customers will be falling over themselves to give you their money. You don’t need to learn about new technologies, practices, and developments that might make your business smarter, faster, and better. You’re perfect just the way you are.
Reason #7: You Already Know the Future
Who isn’t omniscient these days? You don’t need a bunch of industry experts to tell you what the retail landscape is likely going to look like in the months and years to come. And besides, everyone knows it will stay the exact same as it has always been, and therefore there is no need or reason to adapt to anything!
You don’t need sessions like “How Bricks and Clicks are the Secret to Winning in the New Economy”, which will tell you about how the best companies in the world deliver venues for their customers to truly enjoy the experience of their brands both on and offline – you already know all about this! You don’t care about “How Star Companies Are Redefining Ecommerce in Canada”, because it doesn’t matter to you – you run your business according to how you want to run it, customers be damned!
You already know the future of retail in Canada and beyond: it begins and ends with your business being awesomely static! Stuck in time.
Reason #8: Networking is for Suckers and People Looking for a Job
You already know everyone who has ever had a good idea: you! Why would you want to fill your head with industry experts and specialists’ ideas? What do they know anyways?
DX3 is boasting over 100 sponsors and exhibitors, including Virtual Logistics at booth 506. We’re there because we’re one of those industry experts and specialists when it comes to integration services, which in past years at DX3 was said to be an important service, or something. Definitely don’t come to our booth to learn how VL can help your business save time, money, and errors through data integration, we might give you ideas! And ideas are dangerous, people.
Oh hey, who’s that in booth 506?
Reason #9: Free Swag (& Maybe Food)
Definitely don’t come to DX3 if you don’t like free things. Last year at DX3 2014, there was even free food! Who needs that?
Again, definitely don’t come by booth 506 to see VL and get your free t-shirt. You probably don’t even want an awesome free shirt. You are a self-sufficient system that doesn’t need anything from anyone!
Reason #10: Virtual Logistics Inc Will Be There
Definitely don’t come to DX3 if you don’t want to learn how VL’s integration services on premise and in the cloud can help your business. We’ll only try to help your business be smarter, more efficient, scalable, and much more – and that’s definitely not what you or your business wants. You want an empire, you want people pounding their keyboards.
You certainly don’t want to see our friendly faces in our brand-new booth with our free swag and free expertise. You don’t want to come get one of our new pamphlets to learn more about what we do, why we do it, and how we’ve helped businesses for over 20 years. You don’t want to come talk to us about case studies, success stories, and who and how we’ve helped. Nope, you don’t want any of that.
So, in conclusion, DX3 is just not for you. Don’t even think about coming. Stay home, inside, alone with the blinds drawn. It’s cold outside anyways and it may snow so the roads will be bad.